Anatomy of an Obituary

The basic structure of an obituary can be divided into eight sections:

Announcement
Biographical
Predeceased
Survivor
Ceremonies or Services
Contributions or Flowers
Arrangements
Acknowledgements

The writer of an obituary may not use all eight sections. It depends on the purpose for writing the obituary in the first place. For example, an obituary that is written for publication in a newspaper or journal will likely include most or all of the sections. On the other hand, an obituary that is written as an assignment or personal development exercise will likely include only the biograhical, predeceased, and survivor sections.

Define Purpose

Define or at least understand the purpose for writing an obituary - beyond the goal of making it a well-written, final tribute to the subject. This step is the foundation of the obituary writing process and it will help you proceed with confidence. Consider the various reasons why obituaries are written, recognizing that the subject does not have to be deceased or actively dying at the time. Let’s examine a few purposes for writing an obituary:

Funeral (or Memorial) Program

A funeral (or memorial) program is a document that is provided by the family at a service in honor of the deceased subject. In general, a funeral (or memorial) program will have an obituary, pictures of the subject, order of service, list of pallbearers and flower bearers, poems, and acknowledgments. The obituary in the funeral (or memorial) program may be different from the obituary (or death notice) that is placed in newspapers. The finish product depends on format requirements. Additionally, the obituary in the funeral (or memorial) program will likely be written by family members, friends, the subject, or some other non-journalist. It is common for the subject or family to hire professional writers.

Life Planning Tool

Many people believe that writing goals on a sheet of paper is an act that helps to facilitate desired outcomes. Therefore, journaling is encouraged. Coaches and other professionals are also encouraging people to write their own obituaries. The first approach is writing about your life and the legacy you will leave (if you died today). The other approach is writing about your life and legacy as you desire them. Both methods are profound exercises and have been known to change lives.

Publication

As stated earlier, an obituary may be published in newspapers for public notification. Additionally, it is common to publish obituaries online at Web sites such as http://www.legacy.com. Communities or professions are known to publish the obituaries of their members. Requirements for submitting information varies. You may be responsible for submitting a completed obituary or just biographical information. There may also be word limits and fees. It is a good idea to contact the respective publications for more information as soon as possible.

Student Assignment

Students seeking a degree in journalism, and even students taking classes in public speaking, English, or effective communications are often assigned the task of writing obituaries. Without exception, the completed products will be as different as the subjects and students’ abilities. Nevertheless, there are basic steps for writing obituaries (which are simply mini-biographies).

Illegitimate Survivor

Illegitimate children, or children born out of wedlock, are often excluded from the obituaries of their paternal family members (i.e., father and half-siblings). The situation is further complicated when a child is a result of an adulterous, or extramarital, relationship. The writer (or the person responsible for the finished product) may feel justified not acknowledging a situation that caused so much discomfort. Nevertheless, it is reasonable to include, not exclude, illegitimate children in obituaries when paternity has been established legally or acknowledged. Examples of establishing paternity includes father’s signature on birth certificate, DNA testing, or even the payment of child support.

Meet George Jett, a fictitious character, whose situation will be a demonstration of how illegitimacy can be presented in the obituaries of paternal family members:

GEORGE JETT’S STORY

George Jett had been married to Martha since February 15, 1975 before his sudden death. The couple had a son, George, Jr., and a daughter, Lisa, before a brief separation early in their marriage. Their separation was a result of an extramarital affair George had with Laura Blank, who played on the same bowling team as George and Martha. George fathered a daughter, Karen, with Laura. Soon after Karen’s birth, a DNA test was performed that did in fact establish George as her father. Martha was devastated; however, she was determined to keep her family together. She and George decided to renew their vows and have another child, Cameron.

All things considered, George felt blessed to have four wonderful children. He was an active father, although the situation surrounding Karen’s birth limited his time with her. Martha tolerated Karen, but she felt that Karen was a reminder of the affair. Therefore, Karen’s visits were limited to holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions. Notwithstanding, George always supported Karen financially. The two grew closer when Karen started attending college near George’s office just two year before his death.

Martha and her children decided to exclude Karen from George’s obituary, because they did not want to publicly acknowledge her existence. They felt that Karen represented a fault in their family structure, a crooked branch on the family tree. Ironically, George accepted Karen and introduced her as his daughter to other family members, friends, and colleagues. There was no logical reason to “protect” his legacy. An argument can be made that George’s wife and children actually dishonored his legacy – not to mention deeply wounded Karen.

Under the circumstances, what would be a reasonable presentation of Karen’s birth in the respective obituaries of paternal family members? The answer to the question above is not as difficult as one might expect. Consider the following presentation:

GEORGE’S OBIT:

Biographical Section

George met Martha Salmon, his soul mate, while he was stationed at Fort Campbell, Kentucky. Martha, the beautiful soprano, visited the base with her church choir on a snowy Christmas Eve to spread cheers. George was instantly smitten with Martha after her solo of “Silent Night.” George and Martha married on February 15, 1975 at United Baptist Church. Three children were born to their union: George Jr., Lisa, and Cameron. George is also the father of Karen Smith.

Survivor Section

George leaves to cherish his memories: his wife, Martha Jett; four children, George Jett Jr. (June Ann), Lisa Jones (Jeff), Karen Smith, and Cameron Jett; two grandchildren, George Jett III and Marcia Jones; one brother, Owen Jett; a best friend since childhood, Ernie Cummingsville; and a host of family and friends.

GEORGE’S WIFE’S OBIT (Martha):

Karen is Martha's step-daughter and should be listed in at least the survivor section or predeceased section, depending on Karen's status at the time of Martha's passing. Most likely, Martha will include only her maternal children.

GEORGE’S OTHER CHILDREN’S OBITS (George Jr., Lisa, and Cameron):

Karen should be listed as a half-sister in the survivor section or predeceased section, depending on her status at the time of their passing.

OTHER CONSIDERATIONS:

Laura, Karen’s mother, should not be mentioned in George’s obituary.

In conclusion, the recognition of illegitimate children in the obituaries of paternal family members is a choice. The choice starts with the father’s legal relationship or acknowledgement – not the survivors in control of his obituary. The fact yet remains that honoring the legacy of any love one should supersede personal opinions about their life choices.

Introduction

As a mini-biography, an obituary is often the final tribute to a person’s life and legacy. In a perfect world, the information in an obituary is authentic and error-free. However, many obituaries fall short. One of the reasons is due to a lack of guidance as it relates to the contents. The mission of this Blog is to provide tips, tools, and techniques to help improve the quality of obituaries.

I am pleased to provide this information for non-journalists. I recognize that most of the obituaries are written by family members, friends, or the subject – not journalists or even professional writers. Nonetheless, I believe that journalists and professional writers can benefit from the information presented. This project has been a goal of mine for at least a decade. I decided to produce this Blog and other material that did not exist to the extent that readers are provided with reasonable, detailed guidance on both the format and content of an obituary. Not only will you learn about the anatomy of an obituary, but you will also learn how to work through common or debatable life events or choices, such as multiple marriages, suicide, illegitimacy, and “incestuous” relationships.

When writing obituaries, I do not decide what is right or wrong, good or bad, or even acceptable or unacceptable. Rather, I rely on the “reasonable person standard.” I believe that my practical approach to obituary writing greatly minimizes or even eliminates biases by a writer towards the life events or choices of the subject. I used it as a basis for this Blog and the incorporated illustrations. You may or may not agree in whole or in part with me; however, I ask that you please maintain an open mind. For your information, I have personally struggled with including, excluding or wording information in the obituaries of love ones. However, I had to accept that an obituary should be an authentic tribute to a subject based upon his or her life and legacy, and the contents should not be contingent upon a writer’s acceptance of certain life events or choices. Consider the following illustration for example:

After 30 years of marriage, a wife learned that her husband fathered two children with a long-term girlfriend who lived in a neighboring city. The wife did not know about her husband’s “double” life until insurance papers were mailed in error to the house they shared. The wife confronted her husband, who acknowledged his paternal connection to the two children. The insurance policy was an effort on his part to continue to care for them after his death (as he had done for his other children). He made it clear that his relationship with his girlfriend ended five years ago (as if that would ease the devastation). Indeed, his heartbroken wife decided to stay with him, since their “perfect” life included four wonderful children together. When the news spread to family members and friends, the wife was shocked to learn that many people already knew the secret.

The husband passed away ten years later just three days short of his wedding anniversary. His wife and legitimate children decided not to acknowledge the existence of the two illegitimate children in his obituary or at his memorial service. For one, they did not take the opportunity to get to know the other innocent parties, the two illegitimate children. No connection was formed. Truthfully, the children were considered hurtful reminders.

It is understandable that the wife and her children would not want to acknowledge such a hurtful situation. However, the two illegitimate children along with the four legitimate children should have been included in the husband’s obituary. It goes without saying that the ex-girlfriend should have been excluded. Ultimately, the husband’s obituary should reflect his life and legacy, which does not have to be perfect – just authentic. Additionally, his six children should list each other as either siblings or half-siblings in their respective obituaries. It is understandable if the wife decided to list only her maternal children in her obituary; although, legally speaking, the two illegitimate children are her step-children. Not wanting to acknowledge them does not change that fact.

I will make an effort to provide numerous illustrations similar to the one above to support my approach to the obituary writing process – including alive and deceased celebrities. Unless stated otherwise, the subjects in the illustrations are invented (or “fake”) characters I imagined. Their situations are common - though. Any similarities to actual people are just coincidental.

In this Blog and other material, I use the term “subject” not “deceased” to describe the person whom an obituary is focused, acknowledging the various reasons why an obituary is written today. More times than not, obituaries are written for deceased or actively dying persons. However, there is a growing trend towards people writing their own obituaries for personal growth exercises or fulfillment of academic assignments.

Finally, it is important to have an open dialogue in order to continue the effort of making a final tribute memorial. Please free feel to share with me your thoughts and experiences.